God Gave You Marriage
Smile, friend, because God your Father gave you sex. If He gave it to you, it is because it is a good thing.
Sexual relations are the great gift that God gave to matrimony. When they are handled correctly, they help conjugal happiness; they are like a drop of oil that makes the machinery of marital happiness run better. And in addition, through them, the husband and wife contribute with God in the creation of a child; without knowing how to make a heart, an eye, nor even a hair of a child, without looking for any materials, but nonetheless cooperating in the most marvelous work that exists on earth which, even in the 20th century, continues to be man. Each child of a marriage signifies the greatest intimate and social satisfaction that each marriage can attain. All of this can be obtained through the use of sexual relations, so they are a good thing.
Nevertheless, although they are good, we can make of them something bad, for even though they give pleasure, they may make us unhappy. If he who uses money badly is an unhappy miser, he who wrongly uses sexual relations can be an unfortunate, lustful person.
The spouse who does not enthusiastically give himself to sexual relations in marriage is using them badly. When a woman marries, her body is no longer her own but belongs to her husband; she will use it to walk about, to clean the house; she must take care of it, wash and clean it, but for the sole purpose of surrendering it to her husband, for it belongs to him and to no one else. In the same way, the husband will use his body to go to work or to enjoy himself, but he must take good care of it, because it is not his own but his wife's, and he must give it to her with all his enthusiasm in intimate relations, not giving it to anyone else, for it belong to his wife alone.
He who desires to be happy only on the basis of sex also wrongly uses sex. Sex, like money, cannot give happiness by itself. Each of them is nothing more than a drop of oil that aids happiness. When that drop becomes a big pool of oil, then it soils, and it obstructs the gears of happiness. Even the most avid person in sex can dedicate a maximum of a half hour a day to it, and then what will he do during the remaining twenty-three hours of the day?
Marital sexual relations should be born of love, from the desire to make the marriage partner happy. The fruit will then be increased love, and this will create bonds of unity and conjugal happiness.
The worst usage of sex is to want pleasure for egotism, for self-love, for that is egotism; the result then of pleasure will be more egotism, more self-love, but less real love for the spouse; and the final result, instead of being bonds of unity, will be chains that imprison and enslave. This can happen in marriage when one partner does not concern himself with the other's achieving sexual satisfaction. Often for lack of knowledge or simply for egotism, the wife never attains sexual satisfaction. And this is so frequent that in the latest statistics in America, forty out of every one hundred women have not reached a climax in their relations with their husbands at the end of the first year of marriage, in spite of the woman's being normal and having had a child. The result of this, in many instances, is marital misunderstanding, separation and divorce. The problem becomes complicated because many of these couples are embarrassed to speak of it with each other and more embarrassed to consult with a doctor, as if speaking of sexual relations were something shameful or sinful, when sex is simply the best gift God gave to marriage, and therefore should be made good use of; when there is some problem, an attempt should be made to discuss it, or the help of a competent person should be sought, the same as help is sought for income taxes when one does not know how to figure them. Sex in marriage is more important than taxes.
If you are asking, should one remain a virgin before marriage, the answer is: certainly. To do so, one must be more of a "man," for animals cannot do it. A dog will have sex or eat bread a thousand times out of a thousand occasions, that the opportunity presents itself and he feels the desire for it. But a man can be hungry and not eat a very appetizing dish, in order to give it to his child or friend who needs it more than he. In sex he also has the opportunity of refusing, if he has a great, noble ideal which conquers the desire for sexual pleasure, and a strong "manly" will which makes him suppress his animal instincts. This is what thousands of men and women have done and continue doing, for the ideal of love of God and one's neighbor; when that great sacrifice is made throughout a lifetime, throughout the only life one has to live, it means without doubt a greater crown of glory and the stronger pillar sustaining that religion.
As regards young people who intend to marry, they should also remain virgins before marriage. They only need to be very "manly" to do it, as we explained in the 4th chapter. The man always expects that his wife be a virgin at the time of marriage, but often he feels that he does not have to be; this is a great error, because the heart of a woman is just as sensitive in this as the man's, perhaps more. In the 20th century, the most beautiful wedding gift that a man can give to his wife is that of his virginity.
A further word for young people. There are many parents and teachers who are ashamed to speak to and direct their children and students concerning sexual relationships, as if they were something shameful or evil, about which one should not speak. The youth who does not learn of the marvels of sex from good authority, will, when the sexual instinct is awakening in him, learn of them badly and painfully in any corner of life.
This entire theme is so broad, that I have just published a 350 page book dedicated only to sexual relations. The book is entitled Sexual Happiness, Marital and Premarital. All the aspects of marital and premarital sex life are amply treated in it. I refer it to the reader who desires to explore this very important aspect of human life.
Taken from the book, God the Father, or Happiness in Your Hands, by J. Dominguez, M.D. 1976. New York Publishing Co., Box 240, New York, NY 10032 USA
For more information, see these sites:
Dr. Dominguez' Websites and Links.
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Your Life Must Consist of Loving
(another passage from the same book)
If you and I are brothers, children of the same Father, we must love each other like brothers. The great invention engineered by our Father to make us happy was nothing less than to create us brothers, so that we would have no choice but to love each other.
You are born to be happy, dear reader. To achieve happiness, there is only one road open to you: Trust in your Father and be consistent with the brotherhood which inexorably inherent in such paternity. The only logic is love. If you want to be happy, you must love. Love is what will consummate the great revolution about which we spoke in the previous chapter.
Your love must truly be good. You must understand it, it must be just as your right hand loves your left hand; just as your heart loves your right eye.
If you want to be happy, you must love your friend and your enemy, since both are your brothers. If you hate the enemy who injured you, you might some day revenge yourself, but you will never be happy; on the other hand, if you love him, you will be happy, you will have inner peace and happiness, you will feel yourself a good son of your father, enraptured in His great candor which can consist in nothing else but pure Love.
If you want to be happy, dear reader, you must love your neighbor, your coworker, even though you may dislike them-- you must love your boss and your subordinate, because they are all your brothers.
Your life will change entirely. The doctor will not be treating patients but his brothers; the laborer's coworkers will not be possible enemies who might take work away from him, but true brothers. Whether you are a professional, worker, or industrialist, your life will change radically, because every person crossing your path will not signify another business transaction, but a relationship with a brother.
The carrion of envy will not bring unhappiness to you, because every time your neighbor has good fortune, you will be just as happy as the heart of a woman whose eyes have been flattered. The heart doesn't envy the eyes because they were flattered, but it rejoices as much as the eyes. You will suffer through each of your friend's or coworkers' problems as if they were yours, just as the heart is sad when a speck of dust falls into the eye; and you will try to help them, just as the hand helps the eye by trying to remove the speck which is irritating it.
My dear reader, just as the heart, eyes and hands love each other, we must love each other. The thumb is not envious of the heart and the eye does not become stand-offish toward the little finger: they love each other and want the best for the other, and with the same love, the eye helps the little finger when a thorn is stuck in it, as the little finger helps the eye when a speck of dust has fallen into it.
Thus, love is neither envious nor boasting, nor does it swell. It does not think ill, nor does it become glad when there is injustice, but it delights in the truth.
Love does not become irritable nor furious, but is patient and benign. Just like your feet which patiently stand still when dust fell into the eye, so as to help, your finger also tries to patiently help your eye until it feels better.
Loves excuses everything, hopes for everything, believes in everything, tolerates everything. Love pardons everything, just as your hand pardons the weakness or defect of your foot; it does not accuse it of being an invalid, and there is no need to apologized, but all it does is try to help. The great secret for a happy marriage is two good forgivers.
When seen in this light, love is marvelous, just like your heart loves your eye. Your life on earth will then become an Eden of joy. But you may have a doubt: that nobody lives like this, that they will laugh at you, that they will take advantage of you. Do not fear. He who does not live in this manner will not be happy-- which is why there are so many unhappy people in the world. Someone might possibly take advantage of your life filled with true love, but you may be certain that you will be happy, even though they are taking advantage of you, and if your friend does not learn how to love while taking advantage of your love, he will be unhappy despite the fact that he took such advantage of you. And if someone laughs at you... do not fear! No one will laugh at you; on the contrary, you will be admired and will effortlessly become the leader of your world.
You may have another doubt: You will say that to love in such a manner, like my heart loves my eye, is difficult and hard. This is true, but as you will see in the next section, you can do it if you are "man enough." Not only can it be done, but it must be done, for this is how you must love, if you really want to be happy.
Love is Hard but Marvelous
Love is hard, because you must give yourself completely to your brother. Love is not waiting for your wife to do something for you, to look after the house or sew your buttons, or cook for you, but it doing something for your wife, making the effort to make her happy, thinking of what would make her happiest and sacrificing yourself to do so. It is not easy, it is difficult, but it is the only way that you will find happiness in your marriage.
Love is not waiting for your friend to understand you, but for you to understand him and forgive him, without his taking notice, helping him, although it may be difficult, and you may have to make an effort. Love is hard, but it is the only way to find your true friends, and you will be happy among them.
Love is not taking revenge on an enemy when the opportunity arises, but rather helping him with all your heart, although he himself might be surprised.
Love is hard, because it means giving of oneself. Until you do not give of yourself, you have nothing; but contrary to money, the more you give, the more you have: the more generous you are, the greater and more beautiful your love. If the "wise guy" would know what good results can be achieved by being a good person, just because of roguishness, he would be good.
If you are a miser, you will become a millionaire; if you are arrogant, you will get honors; if you are a glutton, you will indulge in rich food. If you are a sex-addict, you will seek pleasure. But none of these can make you happy. However, if you become love, if you make an effort to make others happy, you will be happy; for this is the only way to be happy. Love is hard, but it is the only fountain of happiness.
Love is hard, because it demands sacrifice and effort, that you do something for your beloved, but it is the flame that will give warmth and light to your existence; it is the only invention God, your Father, could think of to make happy. It is the only reason for your existence. It you don't want to suffer, don't love. But if you do not love, what are you living for? (From Happiness in Your Hands, by J. Dominguez, M.D.-- Chapter 9).
If You Want to be Happy, Make Someone Else Happy